Letting Go

I received a message in my inbox the other day asking, even after losing as much weight as I have, if I still see myself as I was 60+ lbs ago when I look in the mirror and if I thought it was normal for someone to experience that feeling.

Here was my answer:

I often look in the mirror and see the old me gazing back. It is such a weird feeling. I know I do not weigh 270lbs. I know I am no longer a size 3x. But the emotional baggage left over from being so big is what I think distorts my vision so much. I still feel some of the pain, despair and guilt that I did back then and I realize I haven't fully let go. Instead of focusing on how far I've come I tend to focus on how much further I need to go. I know better, I don't believe these negative thoughts hold much truth in my heart but I'd grown so accustomed to them that I still find myself buying into the negative thinking.

Weight loss is such a holistic experience. So many different parts of a person are involved in the overall healing and move towards wellness/feeling your best. It's taken a lot of hard work to get where I am, which I'm certain you can relate to, and I try to remind myself that I deserve to be proud/happy and to delight in my accomplishment in this moment...not 30lbs from this moment.

Looking back at old photos has helped me to reflect on and release some of negativity that I've harbored all of these years. I understand that WAS my reality...but it isn't anymore. I'm in a different, more confident and healthy place in my life and I can't let myself get psyched out. I know that through the accomplishments I've experienced I've come to have faith in what I'm capable of. This has resonated in many areas of my life, not just health. Its a wonderful, inspiring and motivating feeling that I try to focus on whenever I get caught up in my old ways.

So to summarize, yes - I do think this is something normal that many people who have lost a dramatic amount of weight go through. For myself, I find it's rooted in baggage that I'm working towards fully letting go. I'd suggest digging deep and being brutally honest with your emotions and really owning up to your thoughts, hurts and disappointments of the past. Sometimes I say them out loud and it shocks me. Hearing it and realizing that I would never say anything so cruel about anyone, much less myself, is an eye opener. I know that I do not believe these things so what is the point of holding on and giving them any kind of importance?
Its a tough road but we've got to keep going at it .